How to Sit in the Seat of Love: Cultivating a Calm Mind

To be able to stay in your true, unconditional loving and kind character no matter what comes into your path. To be open, kind, and loving even when faced with darkness and the opposite of love (let's just not even say it). This, my dear friend, is not a light-hearted task. 

Can you imagine not defending yourself when accused of something you didn't do? What would it be like not to look at situations as fair or unfair, right or wrong? How about to keep a calm mind and attitude even if your reputation was ruined? And, to love and live out compassion, even to your worst encounters (aka our best teachers)?

There's a story of a monk named Haukin. In his village, a young woman becomes pregnant and points to Haukin when her angered parents ask her who the father is. After the baby is born, the parents take the baby to Haukin and tell him that he is responsible for the baby. He responds, "Is that so?" And gracefully accepts the infant, without any experience of caring for a baby. The monk proceeds to provide for the baby's needs with clothing, food, and love. The villagers become resentful toward the once respected monk, for now, his reputation is trashed. However, Haukin diligently continues to put his attention and effort on the baby.

Several years later, the young woman, filled with remorse, confesses that Haukin is not the father and reveals the name of the true father. The parents immediately go to see the monk to apologize and take the child. Haukin watched as they took away the child that he had cared for since birth, and said to himself, "Is that so?"

This story is derived from Zen Flesh, Zen Bones by Paul Reps and is called "Is That So?" or "Haukin and the Baby"

Haikun responded with a calm mind and spirit. He didn't call out fairness or unfairness, excuse himself because of his lack of experience, complain about his ruined reputation, or even wish things were different. He simply dealt with the cards that were given to him each and every moment. Haikun knew his truth, his character, his intention, his purpose; and, he didn’t feel the need to defend himself or the situation. He accepted what was out of his control; and continued to show loving kindness and direct his attention where it needed to be.

I heard this story a few months ago, and it changed how I thought about my reactions to things. I try to channel Haikun when I find myself in tough situations in which I feel the need to react. I knew I wanted to always live out my compassion more and more, but this was the first step: realizing that I can remain in my own character no matter what happens. I, and you can choose to stay seated in the seat of love even when someone challenges us to stand up and defend ourselves. We then can come to a place of compassion by being empathetic that each person is fighting their own battles, and has their own story. And then, the key is to keep telling yourself your story, that makes you the best version of you. Be mindful of the stories you tell yourself, because they make you.

I'll leave you with a passage that I love from the Yoga Sūtras of Patañjali. It's sutra I-33 and states:

"By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness."

Align and live well,

Jennie